Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Ruff.

Today was certainly rough.  What I thought was going to be a normal day at the doctor with Claire, turned out to be a nightmare, with both of us leaving crying!

When I placed her in the sink for her weekly bath, for some unknown reason, she started screaming and crying.  Like REALLY screaming...the water seemed fine to me.  I tried to finish the bath, but she was hysterical.  I wrapped her up and ran into the exam room and tried EVERYTHING.  Her back was red, like a rash from the harness, but I can't imagine the water hurting it that bad...both nurses came in and put some Aquaphor on her back and tried to soothe her.

She was still crying, blood curdling crying and I gave her to Naomi the nurse to try to calm her down, and I sat there and cried myself.  I passed off my baby to a stranger to comfort, I couldn't even do it myself.  I felt pathetic and helpless! I just wanted Josh there so bad. At least she got her calmer.  We tried to put the harness back on and must have pinched her or something and the screaming started up again, and I cried more.

I'm sure people in the waiting room were like.. maybe we'll come back another time...they've sure got their hands full...

Then Dr. Brock came in and was the epitomy of calmness, he held her and patted her. He told the nurses to get a new clean harness and got her to settle down again.  He tried one more time to fit the harness back on, she cried, but more normal cry, and I could use the pacifier, things looked better.

So, I ask, what kind of mom can't handle her baby screaming and know how to comfort her?  Why does it freak me out and scare me so much to make me start balling...and cry all the way home, even on the phone to my OWN mom.  I hate feeling so powerless like that, what the heck set her off??  She loves baths!  Anyways, she's happy now, hopefully forgot about the whole terrible experience, but I sure haven't and won't for a really long time.


So I'm posting happy pictures from earlier in the day and the weekend...and hope that next doctor visit goes a lot better. I totally RUINED her first Valentine's Day!

6 comments:

Maria said...

Awe! You didn't ruin it. Some days are just harder than others. I'm sorry today was one of those days. Claire is lucky to have you as a mommy :)

Kelly Jean said...

Poor baby Claire AND poor mommy!! She definitely won't remember it, and who knows what sets sensitive little honeys off, I'm sure nothing you did or didn't do. More traumatizing for you I'm sure. And sometimes babies just need to be passed off when they cry! Doesn't mean you're not a good mommy AT all. Love you hun! Everyone has good days and bad days, even mommies and pretty little babies. <3

Natalie said...

First off, the hormones certainly don't help. There were times when Sadie was screaming because of the reflux and I just sat and cried with her. Heck, there are still times when someone else can calm her down when I can't. Doesn't make us bad mammas!

I think Claire just wanted a new clean harness :)

Hang in there...you're doing a FABULOUS job. Claire is a lucky baby to have a mommy that loves her so deeply!

Courtney Squillante said...

First of all, she is beyond adorable!! Secondly, I spent the first month of Jay's life freaking out and crying because I couldn't figure out how to make him stop! My mom and sister could, Anthony's mom could, but I could not. I was so emvarassed when people came to visit because I could t even calm my own child!!! Then, I figured it out- for the most part. I know EXACTLY how you feel. The main thing is that you love her and you won't stop trying to figure it out. You are a great mom- DON'T doubt yourself!!!!

Dianna said...

Oh Erin! I am sorry it was a horrible experience, but rest assured you are a wonderful mommy. We all have our tough days. There have been times I handed Cooper to my sister and she was able to calm him down easy. I joke that she is a baby whisperer and though I am glad she is able to calm him down it also broke my heart a little. I know where you are coming from and we have all been there. Claire is gorgeous and I am sure you didn't ruin her first Valentine's Day!

ChelseaSalomone said...

Ok I am just now seeing this post! Friend!! I am SO sorry!! This is the hardest thing ever. There must be something in the water this week because this is an extra hard week for sure!

You are doing the best you can, and sometimes they just can't be soothed no matter what. It's not you! Take it easy on yourself.

And at least you just ruined her one Valentine's Day- I've ruined Logan's whole life by making him feel abandoned and have self esteem issues because we let him cry ;)