Claire's first month has been hard. Really hard. Not that she's a bad baby, but it's been such a tremendous adjustment for me that I've had some trouble handling it at times. And YES, I did spill about 9 ounces of pumped breastmilk on the floor one night and was crying inconsolably for 30 minutes. Did I mention my hormones are out of control these days??
I'm used to sleeping many hours. I'm used to working. I'm used to running to the store on a whim. I'm used to seeing friends. I'm used to taking Shelby to the park everyday. I know, what did I expect right? Well, that doesn't make it any easier.
I think a lot of new moms go through the feelings of entrapment, loneliness and blues during these first weeks. Plus, breast feeding adds a whole other level of crazy. I feel so much pressure to produce milk! It's crazy. I am giving myself a goal of 3 months of breastmilk, then we'll re-evaluate. I want the best for Claire, but she also needs a Mommy who has her wits about her and isn't a sobbing mess. I hate these crazy hormones!
We had a really good 4 week doctor visit this week, so I've been feeling a little better. She was slow to gain at first, so we've been having weigh ins. She's now 9lbs 2 oz, 51% percentile, and the Dr. said "Good job, mama!" We've mostly been pumping and measuring her meals, so this method is obviously working and we'll keep it up!
Claire also had an abnormal ultra-sound on her hips, so she'll need a follow-up in a couple weeks. This is due to her Frank Breech position in the womb and cause for much of my concern besides her weight gain. I really hope that her sockets fuse on their own, or whatever is supposed to happen. I don't want my little baby in a leg harness, which is a possibilty. We've had to double diaper her to keep her legs wide and bent. She's really strong though, I think she can power through and be just fine.
She's such a joy in our lives and I hope that start feeling better soon and really enjoy these fresh moments in her life! I already asked my doctor for help and we have a good plan in place. I wanna kick these blues and focus on this beautiful, perfect little girl, who keeps me up all night with her crazy grunts! =)
8 comments:
Erin -
One thing I learned was not to stress over breast feeding. It was really hard for me with Cade but with Cason it came much easier and I also substituted formula so that I could go places more freely and not feel so trapped. Just a suggestion -- every mom has to figure it out on her own! Claire is precious with her dark black hair!! As crazy as it sounds now - you will miss this time when she gets older. Hang in there!!
You're doing great, mama! In my opinion, you'd be weird if you weren't having hard time. The isolation is so hard. Asking your doc for help is a great decision! I only wish I had done it sooner. Keep up the good work and before you know it, Claire will be STTN!
love you honesty here. you're right, its hard! its a huge adjustment! I remember crying hysterically about not nannying for the boys anymore when Zach came and told David it was like I had 2 kids and they died. I really did feel that much pain and sadness. But, things got better and I got through it. I know you will too. Hang in there and call me anytime!!! LOVE YOU!
I TOTALLY get how precious that pumped breastmilk is!!! And it's HARD at the beginning. But just remember that it WILL end. It won't be like this forever- I PROMISE!!!!!! Keep your chin up- you are doing a GREAT job!
You are doing AWESOME!! I would have been in tears over spilling breast milk too! 3 Months was my goal too, made it, and now my next goal is 6 months with half formula and half breast milk... then I am going back to work and DONE with breast feeding! This momma needs her life back. Keep it up, it gets SO SO much better really soon! I PROMISE! I was just there :)
I so appreciate your honesty. Being honest in my blog and seeing others respond with the same appreciation, made me feel normal. You are normal! It is hard, really hard. Breastfeeding was the hardest thing I have done in my entire life. When I was at the point you are, I thought there was no way I could keep it up when I went back to work. I did it for 10 months! That's proof that it gets easier. I know I barely know you, but if I can ever make another mama feel better about the dark times, I am more than happy to praise her! I already told myself when it's time for another one, I will not put that stress on myself. Happy wife (and mama), is a happy life. Bless you!
I don't blame you for crying over spilled milk. It is liquid gold! I am sure you are doing a wonderful job and your little girl is adorable. Take one day at a time and you will be fine.
She is beautiful, just like her mama! I love the last pic! good call on talking to your dr about the blues! I felt like my hormones leveled out around month 6, then 5 months later we were pregnant again! Lance had a little break from living in crazy town! Don't worry though, you'll get there. I didn't breastfeed with Luke, but I was so headstrong on doing it with Layton that it stressed myself and Layton out. I didn't substitute formula like people suggested and think that would have helped a lot! Good luck, you'll hit a stride soon.
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