I never thought I would be entering the 12 month of trying for something that comes really easy to a lot of people I know. Twelve months of high hopes and then dreams crushed. Twelve months of strain and growth in my relationship with Josh. It's SO hard to put into words...I'm really having a hard to explaining everything so this is kind of my stream of conscienceness post.
I realize there are couples that have stuggled to concieve a lot longer than us. I also realize that HEY it could happen this month! But most of my optimism has left the building. I have some really great friends who know exactly what I'm going through, and I seriously would have jumped off the deep end without them. When you're ready, you're ready, you know??
So as of now, he's checked out and I have charted, had blood work, HSG tests (ow.), ultrasounds and scans and been on fertility drugs.All NO FUN. I hate it. It was supposed to be fun and exciting and not so scientific and stressful. Taking your temp every morning for a year?? Ugh. All I think about is "what the heck is wrong with me??"
Thanks for listening to my rant and pity party. Luckily, my friend found a prayer and support group at her church and I'll start going to that to help with the saddness. I am so blessed to have great friends who care about me and are rooting for us! One day I'll look back at this post and say, "It was all worth it!"
7 comments:
Erin- I hate that you ever had to write this post but I love that you shared it with us. I can't wait for the post that announces you are expecting!!
Love you!! And random note- I had that EXACT same background and header up this morning. Weird.
You know you have our prayers. If I can do anything or offer any words, let me know. I mean it!
My heart breaks for you because I know exactly what you're going through. Just know that your baby will be loved that much more because he/she had parents who prayed and longed for him/her for so long!
One year ago, Danny and I were just a few weeks away from suffering from our miscarriage. And now look where we are!
I truly believe that God gives that desire for parenthood to people who are meant to be and who will one day be parents! It will happen, I just know it. I pray for you guys often and look forward to the day that you and I can reflect back on these times as a distant memory while our kids play together :)
Heart you hun!! We will appreciate our babies SO much more than folks who get pregnant right away. It will ALL be worth it one day -- I can't wait for that day!!!! <3
When I was praying for you this morning I thought about this. Obvi I had to look it up, but it's a good one:
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.
Yay for being fig trees. Team fig GO! xoxo
Oh Erin, I had no idea! I'm so sorry, I'll be praying so hard for you and Josh.
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