First doctor appointment

We started today with a huge smile and captured it! Makes everything so much easier when baby is happy and responds to you.  Look at this cute little puff face!

I got to the doc super early just to be sure I was in the right place.I was super nervous doing all this without Josh. I packed two bottles and a million diapers.

I got to sit with two other hip baby moms and we shared stories. They were very nice and encouraging.  One mom had been through THREE times!

They called us back just in time, Claire had just had a melt down, and I was growing weary.

Baby girl waiting to get her bath!

The nurse helped me, and during her bath Claire was so happy, I cried.  I am such a wreck sometimes. The nurse was very nice and stayed with me.  That was the best part of the day, giving her a bath and her being so happy in it.

Her curls after her bath.

Look at those baby legs stretching! Bet that felt so good after a week!

Doctor Brock came in and made sure the harness was on right and said see ya next week!  No news, no adjusting yet, she hasn't grown so it was still all good.  One week down and I'm exhausted already!

Three hours at doctor is too much!

Face Time and San Antonio

Just a Claire photobomb post, trying to be more positive about everything for her!  San Antonio was so much fun, she got to meet some family for the first time, including Pom, her great-grandfather!  Lucky girl has THREE great grand-fathers still around (and 1 great grandmother!).

Also got to meet my BFF for a million years, Lisa and her husband Clifton.  Our friend Graham also came too.  Here's Daddy laughing with his baby...

Me, my Aunt Jill and Auntie Emily!

Now for a little cute face time...

Have a great weekend!

Set backs...

Dealing with a newborn and post partum depression isn't easy.  And God threw a curveball at us yesterday.  Claire has hip dysplasia, her right side is pretty bad and the left is almost better.  Dr. Brock, a pediatric ortho, was very nice yesterday and explained everything as best he could.  I missed a lot of it through my tears.  I'm so glad Josh was there to listen and be rational.  Claire had 3 out of the 4 traits that lead to hip dysplasia:  First born, girl, breech.  Four out of 1000 babies are born with this.

I was just so sad for her, and worried that she'd have problems walking and playing and doing all the things that kids want to do.  The Dr. said that we caught it early and 98% of babies get better with this Pavlik Harness.  Her right side hip socket was at 29% and her left was 45%.  They need to be at 50% to be healed completely.  In 3 weeks, they'll do another ultrasound to see the progress so far.

She has to wear it 24/7 for 6 weeks.  I have to go once a week to Dr. Brock for harness adjustment and she can take a bath there.  I'm so upset about not bathing her at home and having so much trouble holding her and knowing how to comfort her. Dr. Brock brought in another mom to share her experience with her son. She was really nice and said she cried the whole first day too.  She will be a good resource, and I'll see her next week.  Apparently all the hip kids come at the same time for their adjustments and baths.  I should get her number.  Speaking of numbers, Dr. Brock gave us his cell phone for any questions or to send a picture of the harness if we think it got messed up looking.  He gave me a hug and seems like a very great doctor.

She was very upset last night, hated the harness and cried all night.  Josh and I are in for a long 6 weeks (as if the first 6 weeks weren't hard enough!)  She was just getting the hang of sleeping and now this!

I really really hope that this works and she is better.  The alternative is surgery and casts and possible limp.  Please please, God let her get better and give me strength to get through this, I feel weak and just not cut out for this.  Her constant crying so so hard, I really hope she gets used to this contraption soon.

POOR BABY

The other mom said that the Baby Bjorn was ok to use, so luckily Claire is sleeping on me right now in the carrier.  Our house has fallen apart and I smell like sour milk and I actually had a dream about buying toothpaste last night.  Seems I should take a hint from my subconscience.

Taking it one day at a time...

Crying over spilled milk

Who ever came up with "Don't cry over spilled milk" obviously wasn't a breast feeder.

Claire's first month has been hard.  Really hard.  Not that she's a bad baby, but it's been such a tremendous adjustment for me that I've had some trouble handling it at times.  And YES, I did spill about 9 ounces of pumped breastmilk on the floor one night and was crying inconsolably for 30 minutes.  Did I mention my hormones are out of control these days??

I'm used to sleeping many hours. I'm used to working.  I'm used to running to the store on a whim.  I'm used to seeing friends.  I'm used to taking Shelby to the park everyday.  I know, what did I expect right?  Well, that doesn't make it any easier.

I think a lot of new moms go through the feelings of entrapment, loneliness and blues during these first weeks.  Plus, breast feeding adds a whole other level of crazy.  I feel so much pressure to produce milk!  It's crazy.  I am giving myself a goal of 3 months of breastmilk, then we'll re-evaluate.  I want the best for Claire, but she also needs a Mommy who has her wits about her and isn't a sobbing mess.  I hate these crazy hormones!

We had a really good 4 week doctor visit this week, so I've been feeling a little better.  She was slow to gain at first, so we've been having weigh ins.  She's now 9lbs 2 oz, 51% percentile, and the Dr. said "Good job, mama!"  We've mostly been pumping and measuring her meals, so this method is obviously working and we'll keep it up!


Claire also had an abnormal ultra-sound on her hips, so she'll need a follow-up in a couple weeks.  This is due to her Frank Breech position in the womb and cause for much of my concern besides her weight gain.  I really hope that her sockets fuse on their own, or whatever is supposed to happen.  I don't want my little baby in a leg harness, which is a possibilty.  We've had to double diaper her to keep her legs wide and bent.  She's really strong though, I think she can power through and be just fine.

She's such a joy in our lives and I hope that start feeling better soon and really enjoy these fresh moments in her life!  I already asked my doctor for help and we have a good plan in place.  I wanna kick these blues and focus on this beautiful, perfect little girl, who keeps me up all night with her crazy grunts! =)

Holidaze

Sleepy lazy, Christmas post time...  We were very lucky that both sides of the family made their way to our house and helped us with food and holding the baby.  Christmas Eve was just us three, it was so different but kinda nice.  I love hanging out with my hubby.  Claire had a few wardrobe changes because lots of people gave her Christmas outfits.  She got many cute outfits and toys and happily watched us open them for her!  It was a great first Christmas with our little bundle.

Here's a few pics from the holiday.  I have so many more, but BLEH Blogger takes forever..

We also had a few Dr. visits for little Claire.  At 3 weeks she was up to 8lbs 6.5 oz.  The Dr. would like to have another wiegh in in 10 days to make sure she's progressing well on just breast milk.  We also had an ultrasound on her little frank breech hips to make sure there's no problems from being in that position for months.  I bet we get the results soon. 

Claire is eating pretty well, but not sleeping that much.  Or at least for me.  Josh is the baby whisperer.  It does take us forever to get her to be sleepy, and if you set her down, sometimes it's all for not, and she is wide awake crying.  This baby be crazy.  She also grunts and kicks non stop.  Josh took a video.  It's really insane!  We may call the Dr and check to see if there's anything that could be up with that.  Anyone had a grunting baby? Haha, it's pretty funny.

Other than that, she's your typical pooping, peeing, eating, kinda sleeping newborn!  She is already looking around at mobiles and doing pretty well at her short tummy time.  I have a feeling with the kicking and everything, she's going to be pretty strong.

Time to go pump some milk and get to bed! Yep, bed at 7pm for me, then up for the night shift.  Man, I miss Josh now that he's working.  At least Shelby pup keeps me good company and loves her little sis, Claire, licks her milky hands clean =)

She's Arrived!

Introducing Claire Ellis Nowak

Born December 5th, 2011 at 7:41 am.

8lbs 1oz -- 20 inches

Claire is here! Claire is HERE!  I have had zero time to blog...I honestly don't even feel like blogging.  I should be nursing, diapering, and sleeping!  I do want to document the week though.

After barely being able to sleep and multiple bathroom trips, we were headed to Texas Women's Hospital for my C-Section.  My parents followed us there and walked us as far as they could, my mom hugged me and cried as we went through the Labor and Delivery swinging doors.

Josh wore cowboy boots (??) that would barely fit thru his paper scrub pants.  He looked so cute though, like all the baby shows where the hubby goes into surgery with the wife.  It was surreal, sitting there getting prepped for surgery.

The part which I had been dreading, getting an epidural, wasn't as bad as I imagined. Getting my IV in my hand hurt way worse!  I was laid on the hard table, got my catheter and Josh rejoined me.  Guess that's when Dr. P started going to town.

I think I shouted out every cuss word known to man when they were pulling her out.  I literally felt my ribs being crushed, tugging and pulling.  It was so scary.  I kept looking at Josh and telling him to please distract me...he didn't really do that. I asked Chad the aneths. asst. when it'd be over, he said "last big pull" and Dr. Plavidal said "Ok Josh here's your baby!" Josh snapped lots of pics and Dr. quickly showed her to me around the curtain then everyone went to the warming table to get her going.

I asked why she wasn't crying and got a little scared.  No one was acting panicked so it was fine and minutes later I heard her and started crying.  Josh was already over there snapping pics.  And when I mean pics, I looked at our camera in the suite later and he literally went to crazy town, it looked like a flip book of her first minutes!

We got a great first family picture, thanks to Chad and I got to hold her for about 10 mins while they did who knows what to me.  Josh DID look at my situation, even though he wasn't really supposed to, but the warming table was on the other side of the curtain.  He said it was nuts.  I'm glad I'll never know.

Seeing her was really surreal.  I had waited 10 months for this day and I was in awe.  I don't like the cliche phrase "I fell instantly in love..."  It annoys me. I would kinda describe it like.. 'so YOU'RE the one kicking me, YOU're the one I've been waiting for... meeting your child, your new baby and saying WOW, I made that?? It was a shock thing.  It was an amazing thing.  And I saw how happy Josh was, pure love in his face, made me so so happy.  When people "say we're in love," I believe you fall more and more in love with your husband that day and that first week for sure.  I'll expand on another post about the first 2 weeks.

Recovery has been really really hard.  Harder than I ever imagined.  The nights in the hospital were full of tears from pain.  I barely got to hold little Claire unless I was nursing her.  It was all almost too much for me to take.   We only had immediate family come by and visit at the hospital, it was a smart move.  My mom stayed with me sometimes and let Josh get rest at home, too.

Josh is absolutely amazing and has taken to her right away, kissing her all the time, talking to her... I love it!  And I love him and Claire, we're so happy.

Oink

Emily and I are getting ready for my parents to come tomorrow.  It'll be my mom's birthday!  Which will now be 2 days before Claire's birthday!  Heehee

We had some pink and black gel tubes, pink frosting, and M&Ms.  We tried all sorts of ways to make a pig...some better than others!

I think they turned out very cute!  Definitely don't look proFESH, but they were made with love, Muthy!!

 Just so you know, we aren't being mean, PIGS are her favorite animal, we have them all over our house in San Antonio =)

This sign will deter her from peeking before Emily comes over tomorrow, brilliant! "No Look Ma!"

Whew, big day today (for me).  Pre-Op appointment at the hospital went well, just got instructions (be there at 5:15am!) and took some blood.  Then had a lunch date with hubby at Cheddars.  It was delish!!  I'm obsessed with their spinach dip for real.  We had a day date since by 3pm I'm completely in pain and no fun.

**2 days and counting!!**